


how perfectly flawed

by lavenderlotion



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Angst, Beach Divorce Fix-It (X-Men), Hopeful Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22310779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderlotion/pseuds/lavenderlotion
Summary: He was an endless expanse of empty space tapered only by the overwhelming pain that burned through him.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 13
Kudos: 68





	how perfectly flawed

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: _Fire_

Everything burned.

Charles took a deep, stuttering gasp, and everything burned. The sun pressed heat upon his skin, growing hotter and hotter until there was nothing he could do to get away from it and no way to cool down. This was warmer weather than anything Charles had ever lived through, and it was a heat he wished he'd never known. Charles knew he would never be able to feel the sun against his skin without remembering this moment. 

He was numb, nothing, a void of quiet that was usually so very loud. He was an endless expanse of empty space tapered only by the overwhelming pain that burned through him, pain that still seemed to echo through the hollow expanse that Erik had dug through Shaw's brain and burrowed into his own. God, he had never felt anything like that and would gladly have lived the rest of his life without knowing such pain.

It was a sharp contrast that his legs didn't hurt. Charles let out a weak, gasping breath when the thought took hold. His legs didn't hurt. Goodness, they  _ should  _ hurt. Charles tipped his head back onto Erik's lap and spent a moment wondering if this would be the last time they ever touched. Erik was still wearing that horrible helmet, his mind cut off from Charles' awareness in such an ugly, painful manner.

Erik was speaking to him, relaying what was sure to be a grand speech that Charles should most definitely be listening to. He couldn't, not with how he felt, not with the way his thoughts were floating through space and getting swept up in the shore like the waves lapping against the beach. Not with the scorching path that had been burned through the centre of his mind, an echo of another's pain that he couldn't separate himself from, not after being so thoroughly entrapped in the mind before it was torn apart.

He could barely think. Could barely feel. He narrowed his eyes up at Erik's face and tried to make sense of the distorted vision of the man he loved under such a vile helmet. There was sand in his gloves and it was pressing against the palms of his hands. The unfamiliar grit made his skin feel too tight, like it was just barely stretched over his bones. Everything was so wrong.

Erik's leather-clad fingers set his cheek on fire as they settled gently upon his skin. Charles flinched away from the touch and then his mouth opened in a silent cry as white-hot pain raced up his spine at the sharp movement. Heavens, it hurt. 

“Charles?” Erik was saying, and there was an urgency to his voice that led Charles to believe it wasn’t the first time Erik had called for his attention. Charles opened his eyes from where they had fallen closed, doing his best to look directly into Erik's eyes and ignore the helmet covering so very much of his face. “Charles, are you alright?”

His laugh was appropriately bitter. It burned out of his throat and tasted like acid, filled with sharp mocking. His voice, surprisingly, was rather even when he spat, “Erik, I am very far from alright.”

“What's wrong?” he asked, his brow furrowed in concern—something Charles could only barely see under his helmet. He reached up, his hand shaking the entire way, so he could shove at the metal keeping him from his lover’s thoughts in a useless attempt at getting it off.

When he spoke, his voice was sharp and his words were sharper, “What the hell do you think is wrong, you idiotic man?”

Silence stretched out between them. Charles was only very distantly aware of the others around them. His mind felt so, so weak with all that it had been through, fogged with pain and barely able to grasp at stray thoughts. The silence coming from Erik was so disorienting that it made the whole of his mutation feel useless, after so many months of feeling Erik’s mind like an echo of his own. 

“Charles, I've never meant to hurt you,” Erik told him, though his voice was filled with the heat of denial. Charles wanted to reach up and strangle him, perhaps slap him right across the face, only he couldn't move. Heavens, he couldn't move.

“You're hurting me now, Erik!” Charles roared, for all he could do was yell, though his shout of indignation trailed off into a bitter cry as his entire body began to ache once more. When he spoke again, his voice was hardly more than a broken whisper. “You're hurting me now, Erik.”

“Charles...” Erik trailed off, closing his eyes as he leaned down. Charles pressed weakly against his helmet, feeling as though it were burning his skin even through the thick material of his gloves.

“I don't want that wretched thing touching me,” he hissed, turning his head away.

“I have never wanted to lose you Charles but—”

“Then don't,” Charles said simply, letting his hand fall and taking as deep a breath as he could. It seemed so simple, now that everything was over and Charles felt like he had nothing left to give. It all seemed so simple. “Don't leave me, Erik. It's as simple as that.”

It wasn't, of course. They both knew that. But Charles was lying helplessly on a beach, unable to move his legs and barely able to process the thoughts of others through the hollow chasm that had been carved through his brain. He was still cradled in Erik's lap, but he was only lying broken in the sand because of Erik. It wasn’t simple, but it seemed that it was when Charles had nothing else. 

“I love you,” Erik whispered, words they had never shared aloud but both felt so, so deeply. Charles gasped at the sound of Erik’s voice shaping those words, something he had believed he would never hear, and he held on tightly when Erik grabbed for his hand.

“Is that enough?” Charles asked, hope burning through his chest as he looked up into Erik's wet eyes.

Erik stared at him for a long, endless moment, and then, he removed the helmet.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://lavender-lotion.tumblr.com/)!  
> comments and kudos are much appreciated!


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